Time. It just marches on like a little worker ant and you never even notice it’s gone. It never stops moving does it? Days start and end and start and end and a month has passed. Sometimes, many months roll by and nothing much has changed. Sometimes you can’t imagine that a month could make any difference at all. But not this month. Not for me.
To say that Husband and I have gone through many changes this year would be putting it lightly and with so much change, we were both looking forward to having our baby and beginning some kind of normalcy, consistency. A world with some kind of routine. Little did we know…
Today, Rafa is one month old and this month has been a lot of things, but normal, consistent, and routine is not one of them.
It has been a month of growth.
All of my days have clumped together into one. If I get dressed and brush my teeth, it has been a successful day for me as a woman and with all of these days rolled into one, I forget that days are passing by and that Rafaella is growing with each one. Looking at pictures of the first few days seems like I’m looking at another baby. She already looks so different, her eyes are clearer and more alert. She looks at us now a little more sure of who we are.
It has been a month of emotion.
I read this once: Raising a child is the very definition of ambivalence. I am overwhelmed at times by how something can simultaneously be so awful and so rewarding.
#truthsista. It is so awful to second guess yourself everyday. Resilience is a quality that you have to acquire quickly as a mom and a quality that you have no choice but to acquire if you want to make it out alive. Move on. Bounce back. You’re doing fine. And then you set an iPod next to her, playing music she might remember from being in your belly, and she gets quiet. She likes it. Genius! It’s glorious. She’s happy. You’re happy. The world is good again. And then she starts to cry…
And knowing that all mothers have the same questions, the same doubts only helps a little. You have to find your own way through it.
It has been a month of amazement.
It is something indescribable to look at this perfect little face and know that Husband and I made her. She is half of each of us and a wholly perfect. Watching her sleep is pure bliss. I melt when she smiles in her sleep. Smelling her head and her milk breath happens on the regular. Heck, hearing her burp comes with a feeling of accomplishment that I can’t even describe. Most mornings around 7 am she will start to stir but when I take her to feed her, she falls back asleep. I put her next to me in my bed and sometimes we’ll both sleep their for a little longer, snuggled up. Le amaaaaze.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that she’s ours. A month old baby is growing and becoming a person before our eyes, with our help. And just as it always does, time will keep marching into the next month, the next year. Before we know it, this month will be a far off memory in a galaxy long, long ago. A time to look back on and remember how much really happened, how much really changed in just one month.