So today happened.
Our sweet angel face woke up earlier than usual and decided that sleep was not for her. The rest of the day followed suit with a cranky baby.
She was fed. She was changed. She was clean. But angel face was still not happy. The only thing I could come up with was that she was tired but like i said, sleep was not for her today. Every time I’d rock her to sleep and try to place her in her crib, she would wake up and let me know of the unacceptable-ness of this plan.
In the next round, she went up against the swing. She wiggled around at first but was no match. The swing won… for a half hour. When I picked her up, she went from zero to NUTS faster than a Monte Carlo Ferrari.
I scrambled around the kitchen getting her next bottle – Wait? What is that? Why do I feel warm? And wet? I know these indicators. I’m a smart person. This feels like – DAMN IT! She peed on me! I moved her away from my white shirt to realize that she had not peed on me. She pooped on me.
I took her to her changing table and what I found there was nothing short of a poop explosion. People easily grossed out should stop story here.
There was poop EVERYWHERE. I didn’t realize that amount of poop could even live in something that size. There was so much poop that the diaper, literally, could not hold it so it squeezed out of the side, smearing my shirt. Sneaky poop. The poor kid had a poop diaper. No, I don’t mean like poop in her diaper, but rather so much poop covering her bottom that it could have been a diaper. It was past her butt, up her back, covering her hoo-ha, up to her belly button. WTF? (Mom, this is computer language for What The F*ck. Sorry, but this is a WTF moment.)
These are the moments, before you’re a mom, that make you think there is no way on God’s Earth that you can do this motherhood thing. But as I was cleaning her, she went from full cry to slow cry to something else. Was that a smile? This effing pooperati was smiling. She thought this was funny. And while I still had a smear of smelly, yellow poop on my shirt, all I could do was smile back.