My Total Truths: #1 Create a New Life

# 1 – If you don’t like the life you’re living, create a new one.

I watched “Bridesmaids” the other night for the first time – I know I am super late – and while I loved the main character, Annie – because c’mon, it’s Kristin Wiig – I couldn’t help but feel sorry and annoyed at how little control her character had over her own life. She was a “victim” and didn’t want to accept that she was the problem, that she had to make the changes she wanted. Instead, she blamed her problems on her best friend getting married and moving forward with her life. She blamed Helen, she blamed her roommates, she made excuses for her jerky ex-boyfriend. Um… Annie, the only common piece in all of that is Annie.

It is all too easy to put the blame of how life is turning out on the world around you. My job makes me miserable. My roommate smells weird and touches my stuff. My boss is incompetnt. My apartment is old and the rent is too high. There are only a few good men out there…and they’re gay or don’t live here. See how easy that was to make life seem like the bad guy? But perhaps, life only gives you back what you are not willing to change.

I have had many moments of feeling confused about why life had chosen to bully me, to kick my ass. I’ve had moments where I thought If something would just change, I’d be happier, healthier, smarter, stronger, skinnier, better, prettier, fancier dressed, brighter teethed, shorter nosed, smaller eared, longer legged, rounder faced, higher paid, more traveled…

But it turns out that the only way to live the life you want is to – wait for it – live the life you want. That’s it. There’s no other secret. If you don’t like your job – quit it. Find another one. Be smart about it and plan for it but don’t keep repeating the same excuses as a way to stay. If you don’t like the quality of men you are meeting, stop going to the same places to meet them, stop sleeping with them on the first date, stop allowing them to treat you like garbage, stop running away, Annie, when a normal one comes along. If you don’t like your apartment, your scenery, your city, your state, your country – leave. If you aren’t where you want to be, why are you staying?

Like Annie, we all take a life hit. We compare ourselves and what we have to others and what they have. We get mad that life has been unfair. That we don’t have the job, the car, the man, the house, the kids, the clothes, the face we want. And like Annie, sometimes you misplace your unhappiness on the backs of others or on life itself.

It is hard to make changes. But it’s harder to continue living a life that pisses you off. So, I urge you to stop blaming life and stop blaming Helen. If you don’t like the life you are living, create a new life.