My Total Truths: #6 – You’re Not Better… You Just Think You Are

March 3, 2014

# 6 – You’re Not Better… You Just Think You Are

One-upping is the action of trying to out do someone else. One-uppers are the people guilty of these actions… and they’re everywhere. You’ll meet them in your travels and you’ll meet them at the bar. You’ll meet them through a mutual friend’s wine night. And you know what…

You’re annoying. Stop it.

Why, oh why, on God’s green earth do one-uppers find it necessary to one-up? Every. Single. Time. Let me be clear. One-upping is not disagreeing. Disagreeing is different. Disagreement is a difference of opinion on matters that MATTER and they are said as a difference of oopinion. We disagree on politics or religion by having a discussion. One-upping is usually over nothing important that follows with some deragatory I’m better than you back-handed comment. One-upping at its core is the act of making it sound like what you like or do or care about is somehow a bazillion times better than what I like or do or care about.

When did we get to a place in the human species where everything – experiences, clothes, ideas, cars, kids – has to be an Olympic competition? Where there has to be a #1? Where “anything you could do, I could do better.”

Some examples:

– I tell you about a great beach I visited.
 – Your response: “Yeah. If you like that kind of thing. But if you want to go to a really nice place you should try…”
OUCH! Did I just get smacked by the back of your hand?I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand…  what kind of thing do I like if it’s not really nice?

– I tell you about a great, new coffee joint.
– You respond snob style and giggly like you’re telling a joke, “Yeah I tried that place but I guess I’m just so spoiled by my coffee place that anywhere else’s coffee just tastes like dirt.” Followed by a hand flip and snooty giggle.

Here’s an idea… how about you suck it. Yeah. Did I say it was the best coffee place ever had or did I just say I enjoyed it?


– I tell you about a delicious hamburger joint. You decide to try it.
– Your response (without me asking BTW), “It was good… but I’ve had better.”

Roll eyes, gag, vomit.  If it was really good, why do you need to add the I’ve had better. Did I say that eating that burger was life changing? Oh, right, because you’re trying to be better than me. I see taht now.

One upping is so silly because it doesn’t actually make you better, you just think it does. You get off on announcing that you’re classier, smarter, or have better taste than others, when in fact, it just makes you look petty and silly; like a silly, sad jackass-in-the-box bobbing up and down looking for attention.

    1. Oh Kelli, my Kelli – you speak the truth! Mothers are some of the worst jackasses in a box, luckily those toys were made to stuff that little asshole back in its box and put it away on the toy shelf never to be opened again. I learned a long time ago that these kinds of mothers have no place in my life. Glad you enjoyed it.

    1. OMG- I love the jackass in a box! I'm going to start using that 🙂 I totally hear you on this- I despise people who act like that. The worst people for one-upping (unfortunately) are mothers. Dear, dear Lord! Can't we all just agree that being a mom is hard enough without competing for who can breastfeed the longest… or at all… what stroller you got, how much baby food you make, etc?

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