Teachers… I feel your pain. Though I’ve been out of the classroom for quite a few years now, I still remember the eye rolls, the mood swings, and the dramatic breakdowns. And that was just me on the first day.
Teaching is for those with big heart… and big patience… and big grace… and BIG humor… and big courage… and high barometers of all things smelly, and possibly, gross. Although September was exciting with the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and the promise of never been used notebooks (I know I’m not the only new school supplies nerd up in here), the first-day-of-school-eagerness wears off by 4th period and then it’s every man for themselves.
Why am I a teacher, again? I’d ask myself. What in the world could I have been thinking when I went back to school—voluntarily— to become a teacher? I’d entered a profession that guaranteed to pay me in mismatched markers, dried up glue sticks, and enough money to buy groceries each month (nothing organic less I want to break the bank). By the end of the first day, I had daydreamed of flicking at least 3 kids in the nostril and all of the zen I had gathered during my summer was a smelly pile of poo in the corner. Wait a minute? Is that an actual pile of poo in the corner. Ugh. These kids are so gross.
Teachers are the most selfless (and funny) people I know; in part because it takes a certain kind of person to do this job, and mostly because they need to be in order to survive. But teachers have their breaking point and it’s usually when one of the kids that we have given up our days, evenings, and weekends for says something so ungrateful that all of the others kids stop and look at you in horror, waiting to see how you’ll respond.
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| source: leochingkwaked |
These are moments when you want to break out in damn near theatrical dance and throw someone out of your classroom yelling GET OUT!!! so loudly that the windows shatter. But somehow you stay cool and say, “Please leave the classroom,” deep breath, “Right now.”
So, my selfless teacher friends, because of this, I’ve created a Mental Playlist for you.
Songs to kick out students…
For those times you want to curse (loudly) at a student but have to be “professional” and shit. Essentially, songs to kick out students to, if you will. Think of these tunes (and gifs) and imagine what theatrical dance you would do if you could kick a student out in whatever Broadway-type way you wanted and laugh instead of exploding.
P.S. I’m not suggesting you actually sing + dance these—though that would be hilarious. Just daydream about it in that quiet, out-of-body-experience kind of way and then come back to reality.
1. Problems – Arianna Grande
“I got one less problem without ya… got one less problem without ya. I got ONE LESS, ONE LESS problem”
(Tap dance you ass on outta here, girl…)
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| Source: ruinedchildhood |
2. Beat It – Michael Jackson
“oh but you wanna be bad? Beat it.”
(MmHmm… not so bad now, huh? Go call your mother, Chad.)
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| Source: princesconsuela |
3. Bye Bye Bye – N*Sync
“I know that I can’t take no more—it ain’t no lie. I just wanaa see you OUT THAT DOOR, kiddo bye, bye, BYE.
(See ya, Lance. you’re outta here.)
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| Source: Paul DeSpain |
4. Irreplaceable – Beyonce
“Keep talking that mess, that’s fine. But could you walk and talk at the same time? You must not know ’bout me, you must know know ’bout me.”
(but now you know. Get out, Bonnie.)
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| Source: notin-nottingham |
5. Leave (Get Out) – Jo Jo
“Get out. Right now. It’s the end of you and me. It’s too late and I can’t wait for you to be gone.”
(Save your apologies. roll on out.)
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| Source: princescounsuela |
6. Hit the Road Jack – Ray Charles
(especially good if your student’s name is Jack.)
“Hit the road, Jack. And don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.”
(Get-a-going.)
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| Source: gifs-planet |
I know there are more. What songs would you add to the list?
