I feel your pain. As a teacher myself (though I haven’t been in the classroom for a few years now), I know that teaching is for those with big heart… and patience… and grace… and humor… and courage… and high barometers of all things gross… and – sorry, I’ll move on. Although September can be exciting with the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and the promise of never been used notebooks (What? Don’t tell me I’m the only nerdy teacher that likes new school supplies.), the students’ first-day-of-school-eagerness wears off by 4th period and then they become as tolerable as students on the last day of school, which is, let’s be honest, not at all tolerable. Ok, damn right meh.
When I was in the classroom, by 5th period of my first day I was questioning my decision-making skills in life, asking myself what in the world I could have been thinking when I went back to school to become a teacher. Oh, that’s right, people. I graduated with a BA in Something Else and voluntarily went back to school to enter a profession that guaranteed to pay me nothing but mismatched markers, half used post-its and enough money to buy groceries each month (nothing organic less I want to break the bank). Luckily, I really like school supplies. By 6th period, I was daydreaming of flicking paper footballs at kids’ face and by the end of the day, all of the zen I had acquired during my peaceful summer was a smelly pile of poo in the corner. Wait a minute? Is that an actual pile of poo in the corner. Ugh. These kids are so gross.
Teachers are the most selfless and funny people I know; in part because it takes a certain kind of person to do this job, and mostly because we need to be in order to survive; yet even teachers have their breaking (bad) point and it’s usually when one of the kids that we give up our days, evenings and weekends for says something so ungrateful that all of the others kids stop and look at you in horror, waiting to see how you’ll respond.
These are moments when you want to break out in damn near theatrical dance and throw someone out of your classroom shrieking and crazy talking to yourself, yelling
so loudly that the windows shatter but instead you stay cool and say, “Please leave the classroom,” deep breath, “Right now.” So, Selfless Teachers, because of this I’ve created a Mental Playlist for you (not mental as in crazy, mental as in your mind) to use for the times when your human reaction to physically face push someone has to be overridden by your selfless, patient teacher reaction. I want you to think of these tunes with their perfect GET OUT lyrics and imagine what theatrical dance you would do if you could kick a student out in whatever Broadway type way you wanted.
* Don’t actually do it, but daydream about it in that secret, out-of-body-experience kind of way and then come back to reality.
3. Bye Bye Bye – N*Sync
|Source: Paul DeSpain|
4. Irreplaceable – Beyonce