Wedding song. This should be a simple week, right? A simple write up. I shouldn’t even really have to write about it, right?
Welcome to my life. I don’t do simple.
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SKIP AHEAD TO:
It was so simple… the whole time.
FOR THE ABRIDGED VERSION
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Husband (Then Boyfriend) and I fell in love almost immediately. That kind of love where you couldn’t get enough of each other. We wanted to be together all the time and in fact, where. Not only were we together every chance we got outside of work but we worked together so we got a goooood, BIG dose of each other. He was everything.
Michael Bublé was an artist I had loved for years and when I introduced Then Boyfriend to his musical style he was won over also. I remember the morning I heard his latest hit, “Everything.” I was getting ready for work, where I would see Then Boyfriend, but the song wouldn’t let me wait. The song gave me flutters just thinking about him and so before school that day, I rushed to his house just so I could see him before we got to work. A month or so later, we went to a Bublé concert in Manhattan – a legendary date night for us – and when he played “Everything” we danced in the aisle like two fools in love.
Here’s where it gets complicated.
|Dancing to our song
Around this time, Then Boyfriend’s Brother was getting married and they hadn’t yet picked their wedding song. While in the car one day, we listened to a CD I had burned – because I love mix tapes – and “our” song played. A week later, Then Boyfriend’s Brother asked Then Boyfriend the name of “that song” we listened to not knowing it was “our song.” I knew where this was going.
I told Then Boyfriend, “Just say it’s ‘our’ song.” But I knew he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Thinking back, I guess how could he? We had been dating for only a few months and how would he tell his brother, “You can’t have our wedding song.” We didn’t even know where this was going yet, let alone if we were going to get married. So, hard as it was… we gave up our song.
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When it was time for us to get married, I struggled over what would be our song. We didn’t have a song that was a natural choice anymore so I narrowed down a list of beautiful songs. Coldplay’s “Yellow” was on the list but we decided to save that song for the one I walked down the aisle to. We were right about that one. It was the perfect choice. Another song I had on the list was “God Bless the Broken Road.” I loved it’s idea of how the road is never perfect but it leads you in the exact direction you need to go. At least my road did. But it wasn’t our song. I discovered “This Will Be Our Year” by The Zombies. It seemed like a good fit considering that our year in 2011 was full of surprises and excitement but it just wasn’t us. We weren’t that hip.
When we heard, “Nothing Can Change This Love,” by Otis Redding it slipped in smooth like a good glass of Brandy. It was beautiful and old and soulful. That was more us. The decision was made.
|On the floor that Husband built
I still hear that song and it melts my heart so I don’t want to downplay our wedding song. It was the perfect song choice for that moment on the dance floor that Husband built with his own two hands and the tiles that pregnant Best Friend and I would peel and stomp, under the stars of Lake Owassa and the café lights that we strung ourselves. The song was a great choice but in there lay the problem. It was a song we chose and not a song that chose us. It has never quite sat totally right.
It was so simple… the whole time.
The other night as I was driving home from one of my birthday celebrations in JENuary, I played a CD I had burned – full circle. #12 on my mix tape began to play. Its simple guitar strings and marimba notes are musical perfection together, the most perfect introduction to a song. Then enters the voice. Strong and gritty, like gravel, singing delicate words that could break if sung any louder. Words so velvety that you could hibernate under them, unclouded by grand admissions of movie love that are exaggerated by thundering music. It’s tender and quiet and in its quiet is its power: Love is in the small spaces. In the Saturday nights. In the small requests – “Leave me some room at your table, slip into your heart if I might and stay just as long as I’m able. Baby, save me a Saturday night.” It’s the most romantic song I’ve ever heard because it’s delicately simple. I just want to be with you.
I was steering but the car drove me home.
I was deep in thought. How did I ever find this man that I had looked so long for?
Scared that if this didn’t work out I would have to work with this man, I cancelled a few dates until, finally, one Saturday night, I went. And my life changed. From that Saturday night, we were connected, entwined, inseverable, and tied up. It wasn’t messy. It was… simple. There was no him or me – those people were traded in for just us. After only a few weeks together we took a road trip together to Tennessee (Nashville & Memphis). We woke up before dawn for the road ahead and in an ironic twist, he introduced me to Neil Diamond’s album, 12 Songs. It was the first of many CDs that would accompany our journey that trip but the only one I remember. Holding his hand and looking at the dark road in front of us, I never felt so at ease with someone, so grateful to have all my troubles behind me. This was the trip we fell in love. This was the trip Husband first told me he loved me.
So how did we miss this?
This was so simple. This was always it.
This was always our song.
When I got home that night, I opened my computer, and found “Save Me a Saturday Night” by Neil Diamond. Husband had long since fallen asleep. I crept into our room and under the covers and pressed play. He woke up – a bit startled – but settled in quickly as he heard the familiar notes, like a lullaby.
“This should have been our wedding song,” I said.
He whispered still half asleep, “You’re right,” like he had never quite been convinced about our wedding song either. “It should have been.”
And so it is.
It is the #1 track on our soundtrack, a soundtrack that evolves and morphs and becomes whatever we need it to be: Everything, Nothing. Or just a Saturday Night.
(I made my own video since I didn’t like any of the version I found. Here’s our wedding with my 6 month pregnant Rafaella belly.)
Nothing Can Change This Love – Otis Redding
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