Have one and stick to it. That’s been my and Husband’s philosophy since our first child was born. In the younger days, if we were at a friend’s house when the clock struck 6:00, we were hauling ass. Nothing was coming between us and our 6:30 routine. As the kids got older, we allowed for more flexibility but routine was always king. However, this year, a simple bedtime routine was even more pressing than in other years.
5 minute read. Check out the free download at the end.
Partly because, last year, bedtime—or more specifically, going to sleeptime—was miserable.
It’s too bright at 7:30.
I need water.
Now I have to pee.
I can’t sleep.
I’m scared. But not really scared just “I don’t want to go to sleep so I’m scared” scared.
They’d get out of bed like it was on continuous loop. Sometimes, we’d find them straight up wrestling. Like…are you serious right now? GO THE F*CK TO SLEEP!
By the time they fell asleep, I’d lost my shit 64.2 times. I looked more like a psychotic, chicken-with-no-head-on, pecking crazily at the children than a stable parent. Our otherwise lovely evenings ended in a screaming bloodbath. I was tired of yelling (and weren’t they tired of hearing me yell)?
Plus, this year, insanity would level-up as Husband starts a new position. Dfferent (and longer) hours and a new learning curve meant we needed to elevate our evening routine lest we wanted to peck someone’s eye out.
Husband and I took a page from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk and made a “How to Go to Sleep Easier” list with the kids. In the first round, all ideas were welcome—no matter how ridiculous.
The list included:
Go to sleep earlier
Go to sleep later (10-11 was their suggestion)
Watch TV until we fall asleep
Read us a book
Give a lot of hugs
Sleep naked (Remember… write down everything)
Jump on the bed
Sleep in separate rooms (they currently sleep in the same room)
Sleep in mami and papi’s room
No getting out of bed
And so forth.
In the second round, everyone crosses off the ideas they don’t like.
The kids crossed off Go to sleep earlier and parents crossed off Watch TV til we fall asleep, etc. From the options that remained, Husband and I configured a new routine. We looked closer at Go to sleep later. Truth be told, they never fell asleep at 7:30 so while 11:00 was a strong NO, maybe an extra hour would help. (So far giving them that hour has proved successful and they often fall asleep before 8:30.)
I can’t promise this exact routine will be perfect for everyone but take what you need and leave what you don’t. The key is to make it work for YOU.
6:00 — TV off
and they organize themselves for school the next day using their nightly checklist:
- make lunch
- folders, library books, etc.
- swim stuff (if needed)
- after-school activity (soccer, basketball, etc.)
- clean up
(DOWNLOAD the FREE CHECKLIST AT the END)
6:30 — DinnerTIME
We love sitting down together for family dinners. It’s a great time to recap the day and play our favorite dinner time games.
Bath / shower debate
Baths are a love/hate relationship here. Mentioning bathtime looks like pushing a feral cat towards water, but once they’re in the bath, they want to “relax.” Not kidding. They ask for bath salts and sh*t. I don’t want to yell, “No relaxing!” (is there anything worse to hear yourself scream?) but the time for a spa experience has passed. So the new deal is: to take a bath you need to be in the bath by 7:15. Otherwise, you’re taking a shower. (Hey that isn’t my rule… it’s the schedule’s rule. Blame the schedule!)
And since they prefer baths, they hustle to make it upstairs by 7:15.
7:30 – 8:00 — Family Time
There’s no better time of day than snuggling up with your clean kids and reading a book together. This is the Mecca of bedtime; what I don’t want to ruin by screaming like that crazy headless chicken. During family time, we snuggle in our bed (where the kids fall asleep) and do some combination of:
– read a book
– listen to them read a book
– sing them a lullaby
– scratch their back or head
– chat about the day
-other
8:00 – 8:30 – QUIET TIME
Husband and I go downstairs and they can:
– read / read to each other
– write in a journal
– talk to each other quietly
– listen to a meditation or story podcast
– recite Shakespeare
– whatever…
…as long as they’re quiet. They don’t have to be silent but they do need to be quiet. They get one warning. After that, they go to their room. After that, they go to separate rooms (but this hasn’t happened yet).
8:30 – Good NIGHT
Books—closed. Podcast—off. Lights—out. The day is done and it should be silent.
One of the biggest problems I anticipated was that Girl Child LOVES getting out of bed and, of course, she brought this up. She was not happy to hear that the schedule—not me—said no getting out of bed.
“But I get scared,” she moaned. She knew this was a good loophole but a solution can usually be found.
When the lights go out they get a walkie talkie. 3 uses each. No silliness or it’s gone. It gives the Girl Child the extra contact she wants without getting out of bed. And, typically, they fall asleep before using all their turns.
Our evenings have been more harmonious since starting. My guess is that the kids know what they need to do and when they need to do it. The responsibility is on them and the “blame” falls on the schedule. And me? I’m just the time-reminder. It’s 7:12. You’re going to miss bathtime. It’s 7:35. You’re using up Family Time.
No need to yell… or peck anyone’s eyes out.
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P.S. What to say to your youngest when their sibling goes off to school and the great pumpkin pail tradition
