Change itself isn’t always hard—what’s hard is the process, navigating your way to your new “normal.” Husband started a new position this year and with that change came a natural shift in our schedule, our routine, and our responsibilities. We knew it was coming, which, in hindsight, was helpful but it isn’t enough just to know. The important step is to find things to do to get through change and to that new balance.
I know it sounds like DUH! That’s so obvious but how many times do we know our lives are shifting (or need to shift) and we stay stuck in the same place, hoping the change will just pass over us? On some level, I did that when we were leaving the Dominican Republic and it made the adjustment harder. So, my hope here is to share some actions that are helping me during our shift in hopes that it will help you discover what things you could do to navigate through your own change.
GRACE + BReathe
When Husband started, the kids were still home from school. For the first time ever, I told myself I was not going to try and get back into my work-from-home routine until the kids were back at school. I could place an order or send a message or do something that required a small pocket of time but it wasn’t realistic to think I would get anything of true focus done with the kids at home and trying to do so was setting myself up to fail. It would result in anger—thrown at everyone in my path, including myself. It was unreasonable to ask myself to do it all (and yet something I’ve expected of myself before). This time, I gave myself the grace to cut myself a break. Breathe. Take one thing at a time.
RE-thinking your “list”
My daily list of things to tackle can include a lot and while kids are always at the top Husband (aka their dad) helps a lot in that department (as. he. should.) However, with the new role, he has less time. That means I’ll pick up more. that’s natural and ok. It’s a season and a really great moment for him.
Writing, running my skincare business, and my design jobs are high on the list too. But since more focus on one thing means less on others, they’ll take a hit. That is also, ok. Grace, remember?
My list—my priorities— feels right. Do yours?
CENTER YOURSELF
I started a yoga class. I’m not doing it to lose weight or sculpt a beach body. In general, I’m not much for working out but I know I’m going to need some centering this year. One day a week, I walk with my thoughts to yoga, dedicate an hour to myself and being intentional, and walk home. That small addition of mindfulness has been uplifting.
You might ask… If it’s so powerful, why not go more? Often, we start something good for us and then feel like more will be better. Before we know it, it becomes a drag, which becomes anxiety. One class. One hour a week. Doing something that gets you out of your head. Start there.
THERAPY
Yep. Just started this too. I’m not harboring any underlying family drama. I am not working through trauma. No secret past. But I don’t think you need some big issue to go to therapy. This Instagram account says it perfectly:
protect What’s important
Friday Family Fun Day is important to us (getting ice cream, a park visit, game night, etc.) so we protect that time. We also accepted that because Husband will work Saturday mornings, our Friday Movie Date Nights (post kids going to sleep) doesn’t stand a chance. What do we do? First, we devised a better nightly routine to get the kids in bed by 8:00. Helpful! We added a Family Meeting night when we talk about finances, plans, and fun. And we check in often about finding time for us.
It’s about protecting time for the things that are important to you.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU (BESIDES FAMILY)
I keep telling myself that I’m going to stop taking on more and organizing events. And since getting back from summer vacation, I’ve organized (or helped organize) a Fantasy Football Draft, a tequila tasting, a guys’ beer tasting, a happy hour, a wine night, a welcome back party, and became a Room Mom for my kids’ classrooms. But here’s the thing… I love it! It takes up time, but it’s time spent on building community which is also important to me.
(Not to mention, FUN!)
SELF-CARE
On a plane, the flight attendants always remind you to put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Why? Because YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. Otherwise, you’re useless to others. Answer this question: How do you take care of yourself? For me, it’s soaking in a bath and pampering myself with great skincare. And it can be as easy as you make it.
Our kids still love baths so there’s one drawn nightly. When they’re done bathing and in bed, I drain some of the cold water and fill it up again with hot. I add my salts and oils, put on a Rodan + Fields fase mask, and bring a book (sometimes I just close my eyes and relax). After, I apply the rest of my fun lotions and potions. My body feels relaxed; my face feels fresh, clean, and revived. And I feel like new. Self-care in under 30 minutes.
It doesn’t take long, it just takes putting aside time to put your oxygen mask on first.
WhaT do you do to get through change?
