I can’t remember when exactly it started but our dinnertime questions have been an integral part of our nightly routine for years now. It is so much a “thing” that the kids sometimes ask to play it when we sit down together for other meals or at other peoples’ houses. I realized the grand scope this game has on our kids recently when Go asked to play it on New Year’s Eve at the home of Husband’s close family friends. We sat there with 2 other families, about 12 people, and he asked if we could play “who loves who” all together. My mom-heart swelled. A long, full table of people we adored telling each other why they adored each other and it was all started by my man-child. BLESS. We all agreed it was a perfect New Year’s game and I understood quite clearly how much a part their lives these questions are. We never force them and they — hand to Bible — are always the ones to bring it up. So if you’re looking for ways to connect at the dinner table, here are 4 questions to ask at dinner.

(Not a parent? No problem. You can still use these. Scroll to the bottom for the Pro Tip.)

W h o   L o v e s   W h o

(this is the question we played at New Year’s and the one the kids love starting with every night.)
Whoever brings up the game starts by picking anyone at the table and tells them why they love them that day. Sometimes our kids answer generally — Papi plays with me, Mami takes care of me — but typically we try to give the person a reason for that day. Then that person picks another person at the table and so forth until everyone is chosen. It’s a nice way to remember that people notice the way you make them feel and the things you do for them.

*There are only two rules of this game. One is that everyone at the table gets picked. The second is that the kids have to say something other than his yummy cooking if they’re picking Husband. 

Sending love

While playing Who Loves Who one night, one of the kids wanted to pick their grandparents. The only problem is that then someone at the table wouldn’t get chosen so we made adjustments and added this also. We are so blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives who we don’t always sit with at our dinner table so this is our way to include and acknowledge the many people who make our lives richer.

*Variation: It doesn’t always have to be a person you know. Though we won’t do this often, the other day, after a red-eye flight that arrived at 6:oo am, I ordered groceries which gave us more time to unpack and settle our things without worrying about food shopping. You can bet I sent love to Walmart Delivery that day. 

I   L O V E   M Y S E L F

Every time we start this one I want to belt out Hailee Steinfeld’s “Love Myself” (Hey! Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else) but I digress. It’s pretty self-explanatory but everyone shares a reason they love themself. Again, it could be specific to that day or it can also be general. What I love about this game is that you realize very quickly how much harder it is to find something kind to say about yourself than other people. It’s good practice for excavating all the wonderful things about yourself that you often hide away or shrug off as no big deal. Well, you know what, you are a big deal.

T o d a y   I   w a s…

In this last dinner table question you have 3 options. You can share:
1. How you were kind today (or how someone was kind to you).
2. How you were brave today.
3. A mistake you made today and what you learned from it.

Though these can of course be answered as individual questions, I like the options. It gives the kids a choice which in turn makes it easier for them to answer. Of all the questions, this is typically the hardest. Because they are still little, they often need clarification and/or help with these. Don’t be afraid to walk them through it. For example, my son with his sports-competitive nature will often say, “I was brave today because I got hurt but I didn’t cry and I got up and kept going.” I love his determination but he should also know that admitting he’s hurt and that he needs help can also be brave.

I really like the kindness option too. It makes them not only think about how they act in kindness but how others act in kindness towards them. And I really like them thinking about mistakes as a learning opportunity and not just a way they screwed up.

But here’s the thing… I keep saying that I like them thinking about these things. The truth is that it’s a valuable lesson for Husband and I too. It’s easy for days (and then weeks and then months) to go by and not notice the people around you. Even easier to shrug off yourself and all the ways you are fabulous. But by doing this nightly, we set aside time to acknowledge one another and ourselves; to say “I see you” and the things you do. Try it and let me know how it goes.

PRO TIP:

If you don’t have kids, no problem! Journal these or take it a step further and message someone everyday and share with them why you love them.

WhAT dinnertime questions DO you ask?

Also on tap… Teaching your kids to to slay their dragons and how do you want your kids to remember you?

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