The theme of loneliness isn’t new. People have been singing about it, writing about it, and filming it since forever. (See: One Hundred Years of Solitude, “Eleanor Rigby,” or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — and of course Tom Hanks befriending a volleyball named Wilson.)

But what I’ve been learning over the last couple of years is that loneliness isn’t just a sad emotion you sit with for a bit. It comes with real, physical consequences. Some studies estimate that chronic loneliness can shorten your lifespan by up to 15 years — the same impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Whaaaaat?!
That’s the difference of living til 80 or dying at 65.
That’s a lot of life left on the proverbial table!

This idea of aging well and finding ways to feel less lonely has been following me around — first after reading Outlive by Peter Attia, then watching Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones, and then again when we packed up our life (once more!) and moved to Romania. In Mexico, we had a community we fostered for almost a decade. Family dinners. Long nights with friends. Best friends whose kids were best friends. Couples where both partners loved each other and each others’ partners. The kind of connection that makes everyday life feel held.

Here in our new host country, I can already feel those roots taking hold. Not even wobbly roots—well planted roots—sturdy, familiar, already giving us something to lean on. But moving still reminds you how much connection matters. How friendships don’t just appear; they’re built. How community is something you have to keep choosing. And how finding ways to feel less lonely is an active, everyday practice.

The beautiful thing is: the antidote is already out there. Cultures across the world have been tending to connection for centuries — weaving it into rituals, relationships, and the way they move through life. And the more I learn, the more I want to borrow from them. Here are some:

MOAI (MOH-eye)

I learned about this word in “Live to 100” when the narrator visited Okinawa, Japan. Historically, Moai provided financial support—villagers pooling resources. Today, they’ve become lifelong circles — your super squad — the people who support you, laugh with you, steady you, and keep you tethered. The people who make you feel less lonely. These strong social ties are one of the reasons Okinawans live so long.

Overall idea to take: creating deep friendship and lifelong circles

What this might look like:

  • Host a standing-date gathering. Taco Tuesdays. Soup Sundays. Aperitivo Hour Fridays. Low-effort, high-heart rhythm that keeps your circle connected.
  • Create a shared ritual. Monthly book swap, weekly gym session, first-day-of-the-month brunch. Rituals turn friends into your people.
  • Walk-and-talks. The weekly “call me while I walk” friendship practice that keeps emotional connection alive even across countries.
  • Send a voice note instead of a text. Let people hear your laugh, your warmth, your “hey, I thought of you.” Micro-moments that reinforce bonds.
  • Start a seasonal tradition. First-day-of-summer picnic, fall soup exchange, winter cocktail night. Traditions = glue.
  • Be the one who checks in. The “thinking of you” text, the “you good?” call, the “how’d the appointment go?” message — small but powerful.
Even in our move, this super squad has been there to check in, reach out, and catch up.

FAMILYSHIP

I read an article about a TV cast whose friendship — off-screen — had lasted over 30 years! They called it a “familyship,” and I immediately loved that.

Familyship is basically friends who become like family — or in some cases, people who choose to parent together without romance involved.

Living abroad for 14 years, we’ve had to build our own versions of family — the friends we can call at 11pm, the ones who show up when we need help moving, the ones our kids call “Tia” or “Tio” even though there’s no blood relation.

And then there’s my best friend of 30+ years. When we head back for New Jersey visits, we essentially merge households. The closeness exists between her and I but also between our kids, between her and my husband, between her parents and my whole family. It’s familyship for sure.

Overall idea to take: fostering chosen connection—friends who become family (shared lives, blurred boundaries, mutual caretaking)

What this might look like:

  • Share responsibilities. School pickups, watching each other’s kids, pet-sitting. Interdependence builds trust.
  • Have open-door days. “We’re home from 3–6, come hang.” Casual, no-pressure time is where intimacy grows.
  • Do a “neighboring thing.” Drop off extra cookies. Offer to water plants. Show up with soup.
  • Co-host life moments. Birthday dinners, holiday mornings, Sunday pancake days. Celebrate like one big family.
  • Invite people into your errands. Grocery run? Come. Target trip? Let’s go. The mundane becomes sacred when shared.
  • Start a swap or share circle. Clothes, books, kids’ gear, tools, plant cuttings. Shared resources = shared life.

GEMEINSCHAFT (guh-MINE-shahft)

This German concept describes close-knit communities built on shared values and real, in-person connection. A place where people look out for each other simply because they’re part of the same story.

Overall idea to take: forming deep community bonds, togetherness.

What this might look like:

  • Become a “regular” somewhere. Your café, your bakery, your veggie guy. Familiarity builds community faster than anything else.
  • Build porch culture. Sit outside more. Sip wine. Say hi. Know the names of the dogs. Visibility grows connection.
  • Join local groups or classes. Sports leagues, language exchanges, book clubs, community events. Shared interests = built-in belonging.
  • Attend (or host!!!) neighborhood events. Block parties, park gatherings, street fairs.
  • Start hyper-local micro-rituals. Sunday morning bakery run, Friday flower market stroll, Thursday park meet-up.
  • Trade tiny favors. Loan a ladder, return Tupperware, keep an eye on each other’s homes. Small gestures = big community.

Technically we’re more connected than ever but somehow also more lonely. And while you may not be able to move next door to your best friend or instantly build your dream moai, there are small ways to weave connection into everyday life. Things that don’t require a grand gesture — just intention. Because the truth is, longevity isn’t just about living longer. It’s about living better.

And we don’t do that alone.

P.S. How to Build Better Friendships