The Truth About My Writing and Why I’ll Never Quit

Warning ⚠️ Straight up personal truthness ahead…  I gave myself a lot of grace in the beginning when I started writing but as the years passed I became harder on myself. I’ve thought I should be in a certain place — further along, more accomplished, better paid. I beat myself up a lot. Mostly because every decision we’ve made in life has essentially been in the direction of my writing — our move to Mexico included. And I can’t begin to tell you how overwhelming that guilt could be. Sometimes, I feel horribly, pathetically guilty that we moved our family to a different country just so I could continue writing. And the internal seesaw smashes into the pavement. Should I keep writing? Should I quit and go back to a regular job and not worry about my next paycheck. 

Luckily, Husband sits on the other end, trying to balance me out before I hit the ground too hard. He has helped me follow this dream; hell, he’s chased it down with me. And then I try and change my inner dialogue and I remember that in a couple of weeks, we’ll be finishing our 7th year abroad. Life has changed so much since we decided to make that decision. We got married, had two kids, lived in two countries. We’ve traveled and laughed and met the most amazing people. We know that this was, for us, the best decision we ever made. And it started, quite simply, with one truth: I wanted to write.

The decision that brought us to where we are today started with me wanting to write. So we decided to go abroad to a place that we could afford living on one salary. The new adventure in Mexico was made for the same reason. We are where we are today because I had a passion I wanted to live out. And if that’s true, then how could I be angry about that? How could I deny that writing is my path?

In my favorite book, The Alchemist, it talks about how most people stop right as they are about to fulfill their Personal Legend. Right when they are approaching it, they give up. I’ve always thought that was the saddest thing I could imagine in terms of our purpose. To always wonder, what if at that moment, the moment I gave up, was the moment where everything was going to change. What if I was that close to fulfilling my potential and I walked away. Because fear. Or money. Or doubt. What if after 7 years of challenges and struggle and personal battles and discipline I turned my back on writing because it hadn’t yet provided what I wanted it to and that next post, that next day was the moment… 

The thing is if we give up, we’ll never know. We’ll never know when everything we’ve been working towards will change – will manifest. So we keep the course. We remind ourselves that things happen when it’s the right time. Seven years seems like a long time, but it’s a grain of sand in the scheme of my life. So while I’m not yet at the place I wish I was I have to remind myself that I’ve always wanted to be a writer which means I am exactly where I want to be.

And I guess I wanted to share that today because maybe you have something like that too. Something you’ve always wanted or something that hasn’t happened on your time table. And maybe that makes you feel like you’re not enough. Well, you are. We both are — because when you go in search of a life you choose, a life you design for yourself — you are always enough and exactly where you need to be.