“What doesn’t annoy you, Jen?” Husband sarcastically asked me, followed by, You know what you should do?
“What,” I answered annoyed.
“You should write a list of alllllll of the things that annoy you,” he said.
So here are 41 things that annoy me today though not all of them happened today.
1. People lip syncing the wrong lyrics to a song.2. The outer edge of the sink being wet so that when you go to lean on it, you get wet.
3. The word “moist.”
4. Getting wet when I am not in the mood to get wet.
5. Wet countertops. (Like the sink, I do not like putting things down on a counter only to find that they are now wet with God knows what.)
6. Tailgaters. Not the fun football type. The type that think where they are going is more important than, I don’t know, other people’s safety.
7. People who don’t do their jobs. Or do them crappily → (Crappily = happily minus happy add the crap)
8. People who say I’m so open-minded and then talk about how all Republicans are greedy, soulless money mongers, all vegetarians are Birkenstock wearing tree huggers, all religious people are fanatics, etc, etc, etc. Open-minded? Yeah?
9. Husband Mike’s hatchet face – you’ve got to see it for it to annoy you
10. The hosts of NJ 101.5 in the afternoon. These two teacher-hating, know nothing imbeciles should not be given a platform to speak on ever. They are the sole reason I reprogrammed my car stations to skip 101.5
11. Anyone who abuses animals in any way. Let me find you in a dark alley… see what happens.
12. Tailgaters who tailgate in the slow lane. If I’m driving in the slow lane, guess how fast I’m going to be driving, a**hole?
13. When I sit down and realize that I have to get back up to get something.
14. Going to any type of government office and knowing that my day will be spent there.
15. When people say Oh you’re so lucky to have a husband that helps with the kids and around the house. My husband would never. To which I’d like to respond Then why’d you marry someone who doesn’t help with their own kids or their own home? I’m not lucky. I was just smart with selection.
16. Parents who think there kids can do no wrong… whose kids are usually the ones doing wrong.
17. Parents who blame teachers for their kids’ mistakes, for their kids’ inability to do homework, for their kids’ decision to not be respectful, for their kids’ wildly inappropriate behavior, etc.
18. Teachers who do really suck and give the rest of teachers a bad name.
19. Anyone who thinks that teachers getting a summer break, a pension, and tenure is ludicrous but finding billionaire bankers needing a buy out to pay for their personal jets totally acceptable.
21. People who think the music they listen to is so much better than what you listen to. Guess what? You’re not Rolling Stone either.
22. I’ve got a better one story people. They usually start with “Oh you think that’s ______ (fill in adjective), listen to this.
23. Chris Christie
24. Going to a restaurant for something specific on the menu and then getting there and them telling me their out!
25. Gloppy toothpaste around the cap area.
26. Returning an item that an employee forgot to take the electronic tag off of and then having them give you a hard time about returning it. Then going back to the store a few weeks later and having them screw up in the same manner.
27. Forgetting chocolate is in your bag in hot, tropical weather, and finding it at the end of the day, melted and mushy… and open.
28. Having to go to the bathroom and seeing pee all over the seat. Seriously? How did you manage to miss the seat altogether?
29. When people use phrases like For all intents and purposes but say For all intensive purposes.
30. When I’m standing on line and the person behind me is so close I feel assaulted by their presence.
31. Finding an episode of Law and Order on that I haven’t seen halfway through the show.
32. When “They fuck you at the drive thru,” as Joe Pesci says in Lethal Weapon.
33. When I ask for something that I’m obviously not sure about but you know what I mean and act like you don’t. Example: I entered the bakery the other day, pointed and asked for one of the pizza looking things. I think it’s called a rolo (pronounced rol-o), I said. The attendant looked at me with utter confusion. So I walked over to the pizza looking thing, pointed at it and she said Ohhhh… A rollo (pronounced royo)? Seriously? You didn’t know what I meant the first time.
34. Spoof movies: Hot Shots, Scary Movie, Shaun of the Dead (??? need i say more?)
35. Customer service representatives that don’t care about customers or service.
36. Guys who badger you for your number and after telling them you have a boyfriend say I just want to be your friend. So you’re annoying and a liar… all good qualities I look for in a “friend.”
38. Husband cell phone – he opted to get the free phones they give you at the store. It is a major piece of shit.
39. Most people assuming that because Husband Mike is the quiet one that I am the more irrational of the two. Hasn’t anyone ever heard the saying It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for?
40. Having the attendant at United Airlines tell me that Husband Mike and I couldn’t sit together because of we were flying with dogs although we’ve sat together every other time we’ve flown with the dogs. Then same attendant telling me to be logical, that dogs have to have a window seat. And then giving Husband Mike an aisle seat. So I guess dogs don’t really need a window seat?
41. Having any person of the male species tell me to calm down or relax when we’re arguing. Wanna know the quickest way to get me to NOT calm down?