I learned a long time ago that you could live whatever life you want and be whoever you want to be and there was only one ingredient in living that way: YOU. The choice to live big is no one else’s and the decision to never settle for less than you deserve is yours alone.
I don’t say that lightly; I don’t want you to think that making those kinds of decisions has always been easy for me. But I have always known it was that simple. I always knew that accepting crumbs – from work, from relationships, from friends, or even family – was not the way to live big. Does the alpha lion wait for scraps?!
Ok, let me calm down. After all, we aren’t lions and I’m not telling anyone to go hunting for blood. But it is a metaphor.
Too many years ago, I was dating someone I really loved – over the moon, star in your eyes, loved. We were a great pair except for one thing – I wanted more than he would give at the time. Ultimately, it was our demise. At the time, someone gave me some advice. They told me that if I just backed off a little, gave him room, and didn’t ask for too much – he would marry me… some day. For the situation, it was good advice. He loved me – I know this to be true – but I just needed to ask for less.
I needed to ask for crumbs – was my interpretation. Accept what he could give and, to some degree, be grateful for it. I wish you could see my face, even now, retelling this story. Wait… here it is… in real time.
Ummm. no. I didn’t want crumbs; in fact, I wanted the whole damn cake. And I wanted to eat that cake too. A fistful of cake in my face. Tina Fey-shove cake in my mouth and enjoy it-style. This blog isn’t called Drinking Half the Bottle, is it? No. Absolutely not.
It was a hard break up but it taught me two valuable lessons. One, I don’t want a life of crumbs. And two, I couldn’t blame anyone else for giving me what I, myself, was willing to accept. So I gave myself permission to move on, heartbreaking and scary as it was, and had faith that I would find a big ol’ plate full of yumminess somewhere else
… and I did. His name is Husband.
But that metaphor doesn’t just work in romantic relationships. It holds true no matter what you’re facing in life because if you want more than crumbs you have to be willing to ask for more. Heck, you have to be willing to take more. And I think that happens when we see ourselves as someone worthy of having more. Which you are.
And that, dear friends, is the hardest thing you’ll face… yourself. You have to give yourself the go ahead to live big and you have to step into your own. I could give you a plate and show you to the table but you have to serve yourself.
So ask yourself if you’re playing small, and if you are… why? You surely don’t have to. Hit reset and start again. Would that be the worst thing in the world? Scary, for sure. But not the worst.
Leave behind what isn’t working. Fill your plate. Eat the cake. Drink the whole bottle. Reach for opportunities. Shake the coconut tree and see what gives. Because once you decide what you want, the world cracks open and all the goodness oozes out.
Decide that you are worth the life you’ve imagined and then go get it. Live big.