More than a decade ago, a male college friend was jokingly threatening a guy I began dating, and one of the things he asked the poor sucker was, “Are you true?” It was an instant joke between our friends and we began asking other people that question for everything. As most jokes go, it made us laugh, so we totally overused it but subconsciously we understood a certain depth in it too because what it was really asking was are you the real deal? Are you invested? Are you serious about this? Sure anyone could hang around or say they’d “be there” but “being true” was something different altogether.
“Husband sees in me, a fighter who holds, who doesn’t waver in morals. Some see a person who is stubborn. Husband sees someone who doesn’t let others tell her who she is, he sees confidence. Others see a person that is arrogant and all about themselves. Husband sees someone who waits to throw punches until she is backed into a corner. Many only see the swings. Husband sees a fighter who fights for others; who asks a boy that no one asks to the dance, to dance, or who asks new kids to sit at her lunch table. Some see a person who is in it for the spotlight. Husband knows that even tough fighters gets hurt. Some assume the jabs don’t sting.”
The differences can be tiny, sometimes hard to notice or distinguish but it’s the “true” that makes the difference. The true sees what others do not.
Husband is a “true” and now as an adult, I find myself asking who else is with more mindfulness than I ever did in college because I’ve found, and some of you might agree, that the older we get, the harder it is to find and develop real friendships. In college when we were free, with less responsibility, and requiring less depth in many of our relationships, it was simple. In college, we would have been instant friends by sharing a class and a wardrobe…and a beer at our college pub. And whereas in college, a friend just had to accept me, now they have to accept everything that comes with me which includes one husband, two kids, and endless obligations. As an adult, finding someone you are instantly compatible with is harder because in what time, can we develop a real, lasting friendship when I barely have time for tacos.
So I’ve been spending a ton of time thinking about the trues, the people who know me and don’t assume me. Having a true in your life means having someone who sees the true in you and to really be seen and understood is such an important part of the human experience. So I wanted to take a moment to thank my trues. You, and you know who you are, see the person Husband sees and I hope I offer you the same. Thanks for being the real deal, for investing in me, and of course, for being true.
Barbara Schutt
June 17, 2016I love your post in quotes reflecting on “true”. I feel the same way about my husband and are best friends…he “gets” me. It is really difficult to find and have true friends as adults for so many reasons. I have to pick and choose who I spend time with because in the end you don’t want to be away from husband, at least not too long, haha.