But Why? Why Asking Ourselves Questions is Important.

“…can we agree that asking ourselves the right ones can have life-altering effects? Because have you ever noticed how asking questions prevents us from settling for less than we deserve?” —Katie Arnold-Ratliff

It had been 9 months since we had broken up; a break up that took a long time to move forward from… and then he was back. He missed me, wanted to try again. I wanted to try again. But it didn’t take long to figure out that he wanted to try again in the way that suited him best. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk, he was just thinking about what he needed at that time. We were in our mid-twenties and he was taking over his father’s business. He wanted a committed relationship but one that worked around him and I wanted something else. I had to ask myself, “Am I settling for something I don’t want just to stay with him again?” I knew the answer and broke it off a few weeks later.

Years later, Husband (then Boyfriend) and I had been together for 4 years and had just finished an intense year of answering questions that had been floating around our relationship. And then came the question to trump all of the others: Was I pregnant? And if I was would we still move abroad?  We weren’t sure of the answer but sometimes all you need in starting the conversation is asking the question.

Asking questions are an important part of our learning process.

Teachers ask questions to gauge if students know the answers or to lead them in a direction. As parents we want our kids to ask themselves questions as a way to reach their own conclusions. Do you think that’s fair? Do you think your sister liked that? What would you do differently? And when we, ourselves, were kids, we were full of questions — asking one followed by another and then three more until we arrived at an answer we were happy with or until our parents couldn’t take any more questions. As kids we asked about kid things and it helped us learn and grow and understand the world around us. So why, as adults, do we slow down with the questions? It’s certainly not because we have all the answers.

We stop asking either because we don’t want the answers or because we “know” it all (or want to seem like we do). But questions are still just as important as they ever were. They still help us learn and grow and understand the world around us. And maybe more importantly, questioning forces us to think beyond our current situation. Why are we here? Is this enough? Could it be better? Could there be more?

And those answers might make all the difference.

So much of life is born out of questions because it’s this simple: questions lead. Questions require action. They begin the journey and force us to search. They set us on a path to find the answers we need because how can we find what we’re looking for if we don’t first ask.

P.S. I’ve replaced resolutions with this and making a choice to live big

20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Themselves was a feature in an issue of O Magazine. I’m working through them slowly. This is question 1 of 20: Do I examine my life enough?